the non-fluffy answer to “What is ‘life’ coaching”?
When I first came out as a “Life” Coach, I felt super cringey about it.
Ha! What the heck is “Life” Coaching? My incredibly smart and successful friends and corporate peers wanted to know (aside from, how would I make money doing that?). What they meant was: “Life” Coaching, that sounds self-important and woo-woo.
I admit, the title feels a little frou frou at first glance, hence my hesitation. But I’ll tell you this: there’s nothing frilly or silly about it. “Life” Coaching is a real profession that requires real skills and produces real results for real people.
The problem is, there’s a lack of clear articulation about what the heck it is. Until now.
I’m going to tell you exactly what “Life” Coaching is, without mentioning the phrases “Step into your power” or “Become your most authentic self.”
No shade—but I’m one of those people who wants to know: like actually “What does that mean?” Give me a clinically specific definition.
By the end of this post, you’ll understand: What “Life” Coaching is, How it works, and Why it’s valuable.
WHAT THE HECK IS “LIFE” COACHING?
You’re familiar with the concept of coaching, yeah? You’ve probably even had a few coaches back in the day (even if your baseball career concluded with a little league participation trophy).
And what do coaches do?
They train you. They condition you. They lead your practices, running you through drills, exercises, and strength training. All with the aim of making you as physically fit and athletically skilled as possible—so you can play your best game.
As a kid, you may have even loved your coaches. I certainly did. To this day, when the clock hits 3:30pm, I get a small shiver of nervous thrill: “toes on the line!” was my volleyball coach’s expectation. If nets weren’t up, shoes tied, and toes on the line at 3:30pm—we. were. running.
But damn did I respect my coaches. They knew how to push you. How to challenge you. How to see your potential when you sometimes couldn’t—and stretch you beyond your limits so you could reach it.
ANOTHER 30 seconds on this wall sit? I’ll never make it! I’d whimper and whine. But of course I did. And later I’d be grateful for that push because my increased endurance meant I could outlast the competition.
We understand the purpose and value of a coach. We’re even happy to pay handsomely for the good ones. (Looking at you Steve Kerr and your $17.5M salary).
“Life” Coaching is the sporting equivalent of getting you mentally fit on the inside so you can be physically effective on the outside.
Translation: Building skills to gain mental clarity, handle difficult thoughts and feelings, and take effective action in the physical world to achieve your goals. Change jobs, change careers, write a book, move to a new city, start a company. Do the damn thing.
HOW DOES “LIFE” COACHING WORK?
In “Life” Coaching, the work, is Thought Work.
Well gee, Sam. That sounds kind of hokey.
Is it? Or is every outcome of your life the result of a thought you had?
*Quick review of what psychologists call “The Behavior Chain.”
Thought → Feeling → Behavior/ Action → Outcome/ Result
Let’s look at a super simple example:
Imagine two…Personal Trainers: Both trainers have the same skills, same resources, same client base available to them. And for both of them, taking a trip to Paris would be a dream come true.
One thinks, “I’ll never make enough money to take a trip to Paris.”
And the other thinks, “I can definitely make enough money to take a trip to Paris.”
Which one is right? They both are.
And here’s why:
The thought, “I’ll never make enough money to go to Paris”
→ leads to feelings of sadness, resignation, and powerlessness
→ behavior/action (or inaction in this case) of continuing to charge the same rate
→ outcome/result: Never make enough money to go to Paris.
vs.
The thought, “I can definitely make enough money to go to Paris”
→ leads to feelings of creativity, confidence, and excitement
→ behavior/action of raising rates and launching new offerings
→ outcome/result: Makes enough money to go to Paris.
It starts with a thought.
Difficult thoughts and feelings get in the way of us doing the things we say we want to do. Full stop.
Life Coaching happens at the level of thoughts and feelings so you can take effective action in the direction of your desired outcomes.
This is true, even if the thoughts are true.
Let’s look at another example:
Say your life’s goal is…to write a memoir.
You think, “there are thousands and thousands of people writing memoirs right now hoping to get published.”
→ You feel disheartened, inadequate, and despondent
→ Your next action: you give up, you stop working on your memoir
→ the result/outcome: Your book doesn’t get written.
Ouch. And, it’s true.
Thousands and thousands of people are ticky tacking away at their computers churning out words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters of their memoirs.
But is that thought helpful to you getting your memoir written? Of course not!
A “Life” Coach brings the tools, exercises, and playbooks to help you “mine your mind” for answers, clear it of unhelpful and distracting thoughts, and make moves towards what you want to do.
In “Life” Coaching:
Exercises look like Guided Journaling and Visualizations.
Have you really stopped to think about what you want? Why you want it?
Have you really imagined what is possible—beyond the realm of probable?
Life Coaching pulls you out of your everyday rush to slowwwwww down and give your wants and dreams the space and respect they need to breathe.
Drills look like Learning New Skills to handle difficult “Thoughts and Feelings.”
Difficult thoughts and feelings get in the way. They stop us from doing the things we say we wanna do.
Difficult feelings like fear, anxiety, and shame. Difficult thoughts like “What will everyone think?” “What if I fail?” and “I’m too [blank] and not enough [blank].”
Life Coaching teaches you how to not get stuck by that. So you can stop not doing the thing you say you wanna do.
Reps look like Questions: Why, Why, Why, Why, Why? (And How? And What? And by When?)
It’s like hockey coach Herb Brooks of the 1980 Olympic team (or at least as the movie Miracle showed it—Great movie btw.): Again. Again. Again…
Life Coaching forces you to go inward, to find your own answers to the most important questions: What do you want? Why do you want it? What’s it costing you by not doing it? How will you do it? What will you do next? By when?
Strength Training & Conditioning looks like: Questioning What you KNOW to be “True.”
It’s about seeking disconfirmation: a fancy way of saying, “How might I be wrong about this?”
*By far, this is clients' least favorite work in the beginning. Like first getting started in the gym, you might feel a little awkward and sore. It’s also the most powerful skill and leads to the biggest breakthroughs.
Life Coaching teaches you how to question thoughts that hold you back and cause you suffering. Attachment to unhelpful thoughts will keep you stuck (see unwritten memoir above). Detaching and reframing them will set you free. When clients hone this skill—when they get buff in this muscle—they become unstoppable.
You don’t get stuck anymore. You get out of your own way.
A “Life” Coaching Session looks like: a conversation. Yup, that’s all it is. A conversation.
Like a coach can see your form on a heavy squat and point out an adjustment that will save your back, a “Life” coach (through conversation) can hold the mirror up to patterns of thoughts and behaviors that may be sabotaging your own progress.
So the “Life” Coach listens and listens. They hear “blah, blah, blah, SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING (and likely not true, causing you suffering, and keeping you stuck), blah, blah, blah.” Then they play it back to you—and you notice something you didn’t notice before, like watching “game film” with the coach.
In either case, the response is the same: “Oh, I didn’t see that before.”
WHY IS “LIFE” COACHING VALUABLE?
Because no matter how confident, how capable, how smart, how effective we are:
We all meet an edge.
An insecurity, an indecision, a limiting thought, a pattern of behavior that is counter to the outcome we’re trying to achieve. A block we just can’t get past.
We all get stuck.
Wherever that edge is, Life Coaching gets you beyond it and expands what is possible for you.
Raise your prices, create new offers, go to Paris, and write your book. Whatever the answer to “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” is, Life Coaching helps you make it real.
A NOTE ON WHAT LIFE COACHING IS NOT.
Advice giving.
Therapy.
Consulting.
Life Coaching is about getting clarity on what you want, not what you or others think you should want. Then it frees you from your own limits to go get it.
So What?
If most people are familiar with the concept of coaching in the sporting world, why is “Life” Coaching so cringey at first glance?
I think it’s because when people hear the term “Life” Coach, they assume it means you don’t know how to live your life. (And that you need someone to tell you how.)
That just, isn’t true.
Does Stephen Curry need to be told how to play basketball? Does Tom Brady not know how to throw a football? Of course not.
Do they have coaches upon coaches training them in the gym and on the field to keep them in top shape and continue to hone their skills every damn day? Absolutely.
What if Life (capital L) is one.epic.season—and it’s the only one you get?
Why then, when it comes to your Life, would you not want all the coaching you could get?
To stretch beyond your limits and reach your potential. yOur potential for achievement and joy and pleasure and happiness.
You know how to play the game of life. And you’re already damn good at it.
The question is:
Do you want to be great at it? The best you can be? Unstoppable even?
To have done it exactly how you wanted and left nothing on the table?
To know in your heart on your final breath, you gave it your all?
My clients have MBA’s from Harvard and Wharton, Doctors of Medicine and run businesses and ultramarathons. They’ve started companies and hustled they’re hineys. They’ve got no shortage of guts and grit.
But here’s what they understand about “Life” Coaching: it’s not cringey, it’s a competitive edge.
Okay, do you Get it now?
So tell me, What would you do or create if [thing that’s holding you back/ keeping you stuck] wasn’t in the way?
Awesome. Now let’s get it.
Get Coached by Sam.
